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DON'T GHOST THERE!
"A seal between the living and the dead had been broken and Frank's spirit was back to taunt her over the financial despair Margaret was in..."

Dateline: Madison, Wisconsin - 2000

Margaret Chapolis and her husband Frank were a happy enough couple. They were united in a small wedding ceremony in '84 and shortly thereafter, moved to Wisconsin (after Frank was offered a high paying position at a local cheese factory).

All seemed blissful enough when the two settled into their new environment and bought their dream home. But sadly enough - as in many American homes - things were less than perfect. Frank was consumed by his work and his passion for cheese soon turned into something much worse. Frank started dabbling in gift packages of cheese and wine after meeting a local (unmentionable) wine connoisseur at a social gathering.

The two embarked on a profitable journey that led to booze and gambling. Margaret watched helplessly as all her dreams slipped away. Frank had become out of control. The gambling consumed all their savings as Frank became fat and lethargic from devouring block after block of his tangible profits during investment meetings. This love of cheese quickly formed into health problems for Frank (due his clogged arteries). After being let go from work, Frank became more and more sloth-like in nature; he was eating any cheese he could afford to buy and resorted eventually to cheese in a can and generic brands of processed cheese when the couple's funds became low.

Margaret stuck by him, though they fought bitterly over making their mortgage payment each month. During one of these fights, Frank suffered from chest pains and was rushed to the hospital.

Within hours he was dead.

This tragedy was far from over for the still living Margaret.

After trying to pick up the pieces Margaret realized she would now have to make the house payments on her own. Margaret worked two jobs trying to keep up with the bills. But it just wasn't enough.

One night, before falling asleep in front of the television (after a seventeen hour day at her jobs), Margaret saw a late night paid program for a psychic hotline. In despair Margaret called the number and reached renowned psychic Junabi Funtura and explained her story to Junabi. Mrs. Funtura was so touched by Margaret 's story she met with Margaret in person to discuss her situation. Using years of psychic, paranormal and telekinetic training Junabi was able to make contact with Frank from the grave! Unfortunately, this made things worse for Margaret: a seal between the living and the dead had been broken and Frank's spirit was back to taunt her over the financial despair Margaret was in. Any waking hour in her home was consumed by arguments with her dead husband Frank.

I invite you to study this transcript of one such argument:

Margaret = M
Frank = F

M - Who's there?
F - Who's your daddy?
M - Leave me alone you son of a B----!
F - That's no way to say you miss me?
M - How can I miss you . . . if you won't go away?
F - I guess I have issues to resolve with you before I go to the great beyond.
M - You mean before you go to hell!
F - Margaret, why such pessimism?
M - Hell is being optimistic you pig f-ker!!
F - You started working at a truck stop - What's the deal?
M - I'm going to lose the house because of you!
F - I'm dead you crazy B-----! It's not my fault!
M - Dead . . . alive, you made the same effort and contribution to the house payments each month Mr. "I'll get a job when by back spasms stop hurting".
F - Knock it off.
M - You know I…
F - I said can it!
M - Why are you doing this to me?
F - What are you talking about?
M - When you were alive you were a ghost and now that you're a ghost you're like a shadow . . . following me everywhere, hassling me about money. Why?
F - Hassling you? HA! You blamed losing the house on me. What can I do?
M - Same as you ever did . . . nothing!!!
F - Keep it up Margaret…
M - I will.
F - You're like talking to a wall.
M - A wall? Tell you what Frank, how's about taking a hike right through one and keep going as far as your shallow soul can take you…and every time you pass through a wall think of me and how no matter how many walls you pass…you'll never be far enough away from me!!!
F - Margaret . . . you are so . . .
M - Whatever Frank.
F - Whatever? Whatever? If I had a dime for every time you . . .
M - They'd be useless because you don't have a tangible hand to hold them in you pudwacker!
F - That's it…I'm outta' here!

Frank turns to leave

M - Don't let the wall hit you in the ass!

Frank heads through a wall…turns and re-enters

F - I don't have one you idiot…remember! And when I did, you didn't know what to do with it anyway!
M - Don't go there Frank!
F - Slab-o-meat…know what I'm…
M - Not this again!! I don't want to hear it…
F - I think . . .
M - Frank!!!!

End of excerpt…argument continues for another hour and fourteen minutes. (read another transcript)

Margaret was in worse "spirits" than ever before and all fingers pointed to her psychic contact with Junabi. She relayed these feelings to Junabi, who was desperately racing for a solution to Margaret's conflicts with Frank.

That's where I came in. Junabi, a long time friend and confidant called me up and asked for my advice. Unable to console her much, I instead told her of how I had recently lost my job as a TV reporter and would love to do a documentary on the journey to cope with the problem, make peace with Frank, banish him forever to the hell he belonged in, and get Margaret's finances in order at the same time (by selling the footage for a profit spilt with the filmed subject, Margaret).

The eventual popularity of this award-winning documentary (Winner at Alaskan Cool as Ice Film Festival) prompted me to do several more documentaries. This one shouldn't be missed though. If you can find a copy check it out! I don't want to ruin any of the heart-wrenching story, so see for yourself what a critic called "one way to kill an hour and a half at the very least" and my own mother said, "It's something else alright". "Don't Ghost There!"...My first and most personal documentary film.

Note: E-mail me from this site if you wish to be provided with a copy of "Don't Ghost There".